The Terror Dome

This is not my son's Terror Dome. This photo was found on
the internet to give you an idea of the size of the thing.

by Hero Jenkins

  

There would always be a certain amount of excitement around our household whenever I managed to get time off work. It usually meant that my wife would take the opportunity to go and visit her mother and that I'd be staying home with the kids.

My job was crazy; there was a ton of overtime available. It didn’t take us long to realize that I could make more money working a few hours of overtime than she could make in an entire week. As a result, I worked long hours and she was usually stuck with the kids. She would look forward to when I could get time off. She would take one of her “mini vacations” as she called them... her “Mom’s getaway”.

Much to her annoyance the kids would be excited, not sad, when they learned that she'd be leaving (and she knew why). She knew that whenever she left me in charge, one of two things were about to happen. Either the kids and I would be doing something really crazy... or we would be buying toys… lots of toys.

This time, suitcase in hand, she turned and looked me straight in the eye and said, “don’t you dare spend money we don’t have on toys for these kids!”

“OK honey, no problem,” I said earnestly.

“I mean it, no toys!”

“OK, OK… got it! No toys!”

My kids must have been eavesdropping in the next room. They are usually noisy enough to wake the dead but at that moment I could have heard a pin drop. I don’t think they were even breathing!

She continued to stare me down, giving me her best evil eye. I knew she was serious; there was a huge vein popping out of her neck.'

“Honey, calm down or you’ll have a stroke.”

She cut her eyes to me. “No toys… I’m serious!”

I nodded. Then I saluted.

Bad move... now she was even more pissed!

She gave me the stink eye one last time for good measure and then turned and walked out to the car.

I was DETERMINED not to buy any toys. She would be so proud of me when she got back! What I didn’t know at the time, however, was that my sons had a secret weapon. A weapon so secret that I didn’t actually learn about it for twenty years! My sons called it "the pouty face" and they swore it never failed. More importantly, I was apparently unaware of the power it had over me... and that the one person who could deliver it with total effectiveness was my daughter.

They rushed to the window and watched their mom leave. When they'd given her enough time to get a sufficient distance away, those two little devils sent in their secret weapon: my daughter (armed with "the pouty face").

My daughter wanted a doll and a stroller; my boys wanted something they had been drooling over for months. Their favorite cartoon was GI Joe and within that show was the most awesome toy in the history of toys… the Cobra TERROR DOME!

Before long I found myself in the toy store face to face with the Terror Dome on display. It was huge - about the size of a beach ball. No way was I going to be able to hide that. I was toast... up "you know what" creek without a paddle and taking on water.

On one side I had the evil eye and on the other… pouty face. In the background I had two evil little masterminds who had orchestrated the whole thing. I was doomed.

On top of that the Terror Dome was crazy expensive. Great! I bought it with the credit card.

Well... when my wife finally returned home she was L-I-V-I-D… at first. The one thing that saved me was the fact that the boys were so happy. I went from zero to HERO because they would play with that thing for HOURS and my wife was thoroughly enjoying her extra moments of peace and quiet.

Then... fate dealt me a cruel blow.

Less than a week had passed when suddenly my wife noticed that my sons were no longer playing with their Terror Dome. What? I investigated and soon I knew why. On the cartoon, the forces of good had finally triumphed over the forces of evil and GI Joe had managed to DESTROY the Terror Dome. As a result, in their minds, there was no point in playing with it anymore because it no longer existed.

Seriously?!

That non-existent Terror Dome sat on our backyard patio for years just gathering dust. My wife forbade that it be thrown away. I think the neighbor's dog eventually ate it or something. To this day, the very mention of the phrase "Terror Dome" earns me a SERIOUS evil eye.